Time of Visit

Unless you’re asked to visit at a certain time, it’s usually best to avoid the evenings (especially between 7.00pm to 8.00pm) as most Malays -- being Muslims -- perform their evening prayers during that period. Try not to stay until late at night unless of course the host wants you to.

Bring ‘buah tangan’

Buah tangan (literally ‘Fruit of the Hand’) means souvenir. It’s always nice to bring a little souvenir as a gift for your Malay host. It can be a something simple: A bag of fruits, chocolates or a cake, or just about anything “halal”*.

Attire

Avoid visiting in shorts, sleeveless tops or skimpy dresses. Although your Malay host will probably not comment on your attire, it’s polite to dress modestly just like how the Malays are expected to dress.

Greeting

The traditional Malay handshake is known as salam, whereby both parties extend their arms and clasp each other’s hand in a brief but firm grip. A man will grasp his friend’s hand and brings his hands back to his chest to symbolize, "I greet you from my heart".

Please remember that Malay women don’t shake hands with men in accordance with Islamic practices. In this instance, a smile and nod of acknowledgement will suffice. Malay women can, of course, shake hands with other women.

A little girl salam an elderly

(Photo credit: http://fcd.ecitizen.gov.sg/NationalFamilyWeek/ContactUs/)

Young children (regardless of gender) salam with the elders (both male and female) as a sign of respect.

Gestures

It is considered rude to point at an object or person with the forefinger. Instead, the thumb of the right hand with the four fingers folded under is the preferred method of indication.

Don’t touch someone's head and show the bottoms of your feet or use your feet to point.

Leave your shoes at the door

Malays walk barefoot in their homes. Guests are also expected to do the same.

In the home

Do not wonder around the host’s home (kitchen, bedroom) unnecessarily -- unless you’re invited by the host. But you can, as a gesture of goodwill, volunteer to carry the dirty dishes to the kitchen after finishing a meal. Volunteering to help with domestic chores is a considered a praiseworthy act by Malays.

When eating

Eating with the right hand

(Photo credit: http://www.singaporebikes.com/forums/showthread.php?p=6121820)

Malays use only their right hand to eat, pass, touch or handle anything. If you’re left-handed or require fork and spoon to eat, do inform your host. But hey, why not try eating with the fingers like the Malay? It’ll definitely be a finger-licking experience!

Conversations

Most Malays can speak English. However, it’d be nice if you could use a few Malay words in your conversation:

In general, the Malays admire good etiquette and do not appreciate bluntness. Try to avoid conversations which are sexual in nature, religiously insensitive and littered with vulgarities.

So just lepak and enjoy the warm company of the Malays in their homes!

*Halal food excludes alcohol, pork, food containing items forbidden in Islam or not prepared according to Islamic rites.

Hidayah Amin | 20 February 2010